Outgoing energy secretary denies lurid allegations from prominent news outlet
Sources have reported that following a long night of carousing at a series of D.C. watering holes, drug Energy Secretary Steven Chu awoke Thursday morning to find himself sleeping next to a giant solar panel he had met the previous evening. “Oh, Christ, what the hell did I do last night?” Chu is said to have muttered to himself while clutching his aching head and grimacing at the partially blanketed 18-square-foot photovoltaic solar module whose manufacturer he was reportedly unable to recall.
The newspaper, which hails itself as “America’s Finest News Source,” somehow acquired this image of the dalliance.
The news follows last week’s announcement by Chu that he planned to resign his post. The secretary quickly took to Facebook to quelch rumors that his torrid affair was what prompted his exit. He writes:
I just want everyone to know that my decision not to serve a second term as Energy Secretary has absolutely nothing to do with the allegations made in this week’s edition of the Onion. While I’m not going to confirm or deny the charges specifically, I will say that clean, renewable solar power is a growing source of U.S. jobs and is becoming more and more affordable, so it’s no surprise that lots of Americans are falling in love with solar.
Our calls to the solar panel were not returned.
- I just want everyone to know…, Facebook
- Hungover Energy Secretary Wakes Up Next To Solar Panel, The Onion
Philip Bump writes about the news for Gristmill. He also uses Twitter a whole lot.